May 13, 2013

Giant Starburst

Hi there.  Guest blogger here.  A’s picky husband who usually orders the steak or the burger at fine dining establishments.  Since we got married, she’s been showing me the debatably wonderful world of vegetables.  Feeling that it was a bit one sided, I figured it was only fitting that I broaden her horizons in my personal favorite food group – candy.  If you follow the 4 simple steps in this guest blog post, you’ll have no problem achieving type II diabetes.

Since we wanted to make a Starburst that was proportionally correct, I made a mold out of some small plastic sheets inside a small cardboard box.  Any cake pan or loaf pan should work just as well as long as you grease it.* 

Step 1: Unless you’re looking to add some roughage to your diet, you should take the wrapper off all the Starbursts.  We used about 600 Starbursts so it may take some time.  You can also separate all the colors if you want to have a giant Starburst with layers.  Otherwise it will come out pinkish-orange.

Step 2: Fire up that stove. Pick your favorite flame height (I clearly know nothing about cooking) and dump the Starbursts into the non-stick frying pan.  Use a non-stick spatula to stir them until there are no lumps left.  No lumps.  No lumps.  No lovely Starburst lumps.

Step 3: Pour the goopy mix into the baking dish.  It should be liquefied enough to spread itself out evenly but you may need to spread it a bit to the corners yourself.  I recommend using disposable utensils if you have them since the molten Starburst remains will harden like a rock on it after a few seconds.  And they’ll be very difficult to get off.  If you don’t have disposable utensils, you can just suck it.  No, really, you can just suck on the Starburst remains till they melt away in your mouth.

Step 4: Now it’s time to wait.  Set it on the counter to cool and pop in Arrested Development Season 1 on DVD to kill some time (or later seasons if you’ve seen Season 1).  You can also wait it out by cleaning up, reading a book, or scheduling a dentist appointment to replace the fillings you’re about to lose.  After roughly 11 hours (or one full season), it should be cool and hardened.  If you leave it out overnight and live with roommates, I’d suggest making a little sign that says “No Touching.”

And voila!  There you have it.  Your very own giant Starburst.  If you decide to wrap it up, use wax paper so it doesn’t stick to it like ours did.  And I wouldn’t recommend eating it unless you want to lose dental fillings.  I wasn’t kidding.  It’ll harden like a rock.  A super-firm but ultra-sticky filling-grabbing rock.  It’s best for gag gifts or discussion pieces atop a fireplace mantle.  Enjoy.

*Assumption based on roughly 23 minutes of cooking experience.